the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
