What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
