So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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