Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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