you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
