I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
