and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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