Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
