And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize