So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
