yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
