you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When are your genitals available?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
