That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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