I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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