please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
