Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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