my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
time to smoke my breakfast
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
