fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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