her vagine was all disorganized.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
