lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
