trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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