i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
