Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
