I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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