I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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