u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
