Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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