If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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