dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
