you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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