I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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