is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
