i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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