I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
