I think i sorta joined a cult last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's rum buckets o'clock
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
