Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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