im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
