Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
