Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
