I got chris browned last night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
