Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
