OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
