She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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