he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
