It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
