so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Two words: nipple clamps
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