guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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