dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
