i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
