Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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