She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
