I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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